It has been a very long time since I have written anything. There is a reason for this; I want this to be a meaningful experience for me and for others who read this, if they so choose. Several questions have been spiraling through my mind; should this be a journal?, should this be about homeschooling?, should this be about my education?, should this be?, should this be?... . I have come to a decision. This is going to be about my spiritual, emotional, educational, everythingal journey through life. What could be more life changing to my children than to someday be able to read my life journey. Not what we did each day, but what was thought, what was learned, what was experienced, what was changed.
There are two experiences that I would like to share. Several weeks ago I had a very difficult day with my daughter. She expressed to me that she didn't feel loved and that I was always angry at her. This came as a shock. I wondered how this had come about. I took a really hard look at myself and found that changes were needed. I prayed that I would know how I could change and what our family needed.
My mind was brought back to a video that was shown at a family reunion. This experience is still vivid in my mind. As I recalled the many Christmases and the warmth that surrounded them I began to see what we were missing in our home. Even with no voices the feelings were clear. Smiles and love abounded. Children playing merrily and even a little chaotically but the smiles never left. My grandparents had a gift, they loved unconditionally. We were all loved and knew we were a most precious grandchild. I saw and understood what my grandparents had and what we needed to develop. CHARITY. I remembered the feeling I always had when I was around them. I always felt love. I knew that there was nothing I could do to change their love toward me. I felt safe and secure.
What an inspiration it was to know without a doubt that this is what we needed. Life is now a daily journey to cultivate this feeling in our home. Prayer has been essential to developing charity. A miracle has occurred in our home. Some days are definately better and those are the days that I put more effort into prayers, scripture study and love. A tender mercy. We have been so blessed.
Another experience happened just last week. We were having a rough morning, feelings were close to the surface and hurt and anger was the result. We all went to our respective rooms to cool down for a few minutes. When we gathered again I asked each child what our house felt like. They answered yucky and lonely. It was suggested that we all take turns praying. As we each prayed you could feel the changes. A softening, a warmth and a tenderness was felt by us all. Then I asked each child how our home felt now. They responded with glowing smiles from deep within. Our house became a loving home. My daughter literally glowed with happiness. Another miracle in the Barney home.
This journey called life is wonderful and miraculous. May we all stop and enjoy each day and miracle in our lives.
6 years ago
